The Big C Word

Hey there! I am so glad you remember me!! It has been a very long time since I wrote you a blog. Your patience is much appreciated.

Well. This year we call 2017 has been a pretty shitty one, don't you agree??

I mean, you know me -- I'm all cake frosting and sassy sprinkles most of the time but jeez loo-eez, these past ten months have been a real slog fest. Let's not even talk politics, natural disasters, mass shootings... I'm talking about really close up, really personal, really tough challenges.

So many people I know, friends and family members have been hit with all kinds of crap -- divorces and breakups, job losses, illnesses, loss of dear family members... As a result, I've seen families splinter, friendships teeter, careers dangle in limbo. It's truly been hair raising to experience. Hardly anyone I know has remained untouched in some way.

Yet at the same time, people have somehow come together, connected with each other in new ways, transformed like never before.

I know about this kind of experience up close and personal because I've been hit with my own supersized challenge this year. This summer, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Yes indeed, you read that right: The big C word.

Since then, I've thought almost exclusively about getting myself healed and how that process plays out (one of the main reasons why you haven't heard from me in awhile). At the moment, it's playing out in daily radiation treatments and weekly chemotherapy infusions.

Talk about change -- the other big C word.

Currently, my weekday routine consists of getting dressed, eating breakfast (if I can manage the sight of food), driving to the local hospital for treatment, driving home (while eating salted potato chips, one of the only things I can stomach lately), taking a nap (or two), trying to eat dinner, reading / coloring / watching TV / posting to Facebook for a couple of hours and then heading back to bed.

For anyone who knows me even a little bit, this pared down routine is CRAZY SLOW DULLSVILLE for me!!! I mean, I'm RINGLEADER PAM! I've been know to juggle eight or ten different projects PER DAY!! I'm a single mom! An entrepreneur! A dance teacher and choreographer! A writer and speaker! Come ON people, I cannot be sleeping this much!!! 

Yes, that inner dialogue played out in my head over and over, for the first couple of weeks of my treatments. I was beating myself up on a daily basis for not getting enough done. Seriously. Then one night, after hearing my lament for the umpteenth time, my genius daughter told me in so many words that my only responsibility right now is to heal -- and that is ALL. She was so right. Since then, I've realized that not only CAN I be sleeping this much, but I MUST -- at least for right now. So yes, I'm learning to accept this temporary change.

At the same time (because I can't just sit here and not think), I'm still wrestling with what meaning I might glean from this obstacle, what transformation I might engender once I'm through this dark tunnel of a challenge. I'm not entirely sure who I'll be, once I emerge from my current cocoon of healing.

But that's kind of exciting, don't you think?

I'm a silver lining type of gal, so I feel like I've been given a golden opportunity to re-think my life, re-calibrate my direction, re-energize my mission and focus. As a result, I'm marinating some really juicy new ideas, daring to imagine the many possibilities that lie ahead (check my Pinterest boards if you're curious!). It's a brave new world for sure, peeps!

Meanwhile, I'm also contemplating how a self-employed single mom can work enough hours to earn enough dollars while fighting the fatigue, nausea, brain fog and other fun side effects of chemo/radiation. Luckily, my genius daughter also started a crowdfund to help us through these challenging months of my treatment and recovery. We're about halfway to our goal right now, thanks to so many of you who've donated through Facebook -- we are both extremely grateful for your generous support. Every little bit helps, so we hope you'll consider contributing whatever you're comfortable with. 

Here's the link to our page:

Please also feel free to share this link wherever you like.

Thanks again for hanging out with me today -- I promise I'll be back sooner than last time!

© 2017 Pamela C Wills, Int’l


Hey there! I'm Pamela C Wills, Ringleader of The Creative Revolution

I'm an award-winning Choreographer and published Author with a passion for business -- YOUR business. I teach up-and-coming performing Artists just like you how to successfully embrace your inner BADASS with confidence, navigate opportunity with ease and take your talents to the next levelMy popular programs and services help my clients level up and make ginormous leaps with the creative passions that they just can't live without.

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